Sunday, April 18, 2010

Desperate Letter

I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me...

But I could not; I wish I could let you see my expression, But that too I could not. I know am lost and sometime I really wanted to belong to you ...just to you. I could not. Your presence comfort me in unuttered silence and I reciprocate with equally silent gestures...it perhaps got unnoticed. I was unable to show you that I know you care.
I am sure these are nothing but may be some part of those ruptured emotion which seeped through the uncontrolled mind of an Alzheimer’s meant something.

Each day you came, sat and stroked my hair while I lay passively. I could see the desperation in your eyes and yet I could not reach them, console them …I just could not. Three long years I have seen you come and go till last night.
There were confusion and wanting in you…there was life ready to enter you …I could see that. I could sense that you are tired with the regular visit with no sign of recovery; I could see your part torn in wariness, loyalty and duty for your beloved wife so much that you are forcefully withdrawing yourself from the love you deserve. The love that is waiting for you outside the door of this institution…I could see it.

My dear, love is boundless at least it should never give you a feeling of hopelessness. I am sure you will have the life that we once dreamt…but am happy if it is not with me trust me; am really happy. Before I succumb totally and bid farewell to all these bounds and emotional earthly cuffs I wanted you to know you were a special gift and though I could not tell you how much I wish to kiss you one last time...am happy .

Still, I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me...

7 comments:

Swaram said...

Hope all is well! This is so touching. Hugs to u.

Arv said...

its more painful... :(

well penned mate... take care... cheers...

Sayani said...

@Swaram : Hugz...all is well dear
@arv: was jus' trying my hand at the domain of pain :)

Jackie said...

Long time friend...

This is absolutely beautiful...moving, touching, and most of all, heart wrenching.

I love how honest and raw it feels.

Keep it up - and take care

Sucharita Sarkar said...

That sliced the heart. But, reading the comments, I was reassured. take care.

sidhubaba said...

The all too familiar domain of pain....

Sharda said...

Wowww!!! You're an amazing writer. The emotions are so well described that I can feel them:)