Desperate Letter

I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me...

But I could not; I wish I could let you see my expression, But that too I could not. I know am lost and sometime I really wanted to belong to you ...just to you. I could not. Your presence comfort me in unuttered silence and I reciprocate with equally silent gestures...it perhaps got unnoticed. I was unable to show you that I know you care.
I am sure these are nothing but may be some part of those ruptured emotion which seeped through the uncontrolled mind of an Alzheimer’s meant something.

Each day you came, sat and stroked my hair while I lay passively. I could see the desperation in your eyes and yet I could not reach them, console them …I just could not. Three long years I have seen you come and go till last night.
There were confusion and wanting in you…there was life ready to enter you …I could see that. I could sense that you are tired with the regular visit with no sign of recovery; I could see your part torn in wariness, loyalty and duty for your beloved wife so much that you are forcefully withdrawing yourself from the love you deserve. The love that is waiting for you outside the door of this institution…I could see it.

My dear, love is boundless at least it should never give you a feeling of hopelessness. I am sure you will have the life that we once dreamt…but am happy if it is not with me trust me; am really happy. Before I succumb totally and bid farewell to all these bounds and emotional earthly cuffs I wanted you to know you were a special gift and though I could not tell you how much I wish to kiss you one last time...am happy .

Still, I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me...

Reflection...

As I sat by your side,
I see a girl of twenty
I see some dreams
I see some hope....

A breeze flows
and you shift a li'l
I again look at you
I see a frailing face,
Burdened with norms and regulations,
I see the hands tied , eyes moist
But, still she smiles.....

A breeze again ;
I uncomfortably look at you
I see a girl of twenty
I see her calm and composed
I see her gaze still
I see her lips parted a bit....

She stare down at me & says
'Wash me away Oh Ganges Please'

Freedom ....free from the dome of fear

Exactly as you all might be noticing the similarity between the words. I was just musing over these two words....

Fear and freedom ...so attached with one other that we contemplate it distinctly …the one without other. But my observation do fetch the very idea that they are something like twin sisters…one accelerate the other.

Definitely I will like to hear your opinion ….

And thank you so much…for keeping up with my irregularities …

Love you all.

Take care

Valentine ...the world waiting for love

Well I know it must be decade since I disappeared from blog sphere. And my apologies. At the same time I hope that all of you had a great time ...
So what did you guys do at valentine day ? The day before valentine day I watched the flock of youngsters arguing with the vendor for the sudden price rise of red rose and still happily buying them . The sign of contentment in their eyes after buying the rose, mesmerised me...
Bumped over a group who was trying hard to figure out which Multiplex theatre will still have some shows of 'My name is khan' for the valentine day....

So i guess love is in the air...
I've learnt that love is a wonderful thing and blessings since my childhood. But as I grew up I witnessed so much opposition to this Wonderful Thing'. I had seen people killing each other for the 'love of religion', seen terrorising outer state people for the name of 'some local welfare' and also seen 'Honor killing' just because some couple were in love...
so much for 'Love' ....
so this valentine I had a normal day ...just like the day before selfishly busy and demanding...

How many more Attacks needed before emerging as “Globanians”

Well this is not particularly to the attackers of Indians in Australia, but towards every individual who claims themselves to be resident of twenty first century. Who claims to be ‘modern’ and ‘literate’? I have my own reservation regarding the terms though.

Each and every day I come across at least one article which preaches reader to lead a balance life, to show compassion and kindness. Stunningly at the same time I encounter twenty more articles on Violence, Terrorism, Rape, Murder and Child abuse.

The fact is that we don’t want to leave our animal behavior; we just try to wrap it under some names like “education”, “Culture”, “modernization” blah blah!!!
International meets, memoranda sign, expansion of Global Corridor, these are terms which holds importance to very few and very few realizes the meaning ….literally very few. In countries where People fight for just a morsel of bread and other basic amenities like water and shelter, what importance this “Global market” may possibly have?

The attacks reveal nothing but the lack of sanity and humanity. We have long forgotten how to share. We have abandoned our rights in Fear. We have just become unknown citizen with some pin codes. The unfortunate part is that we lost somewhere in this “genetic evolution” our humanity.

So when the world shouts in the name of globalization, my eyes searches for that Globanian. Because I trust we all are potential candidate, just we need to evoke ourselves from the slumber of Ignorance. We just need to be what we actually are – “HUMAN”

Image Courtesy :Google.com

HONESTY award From adarsh

Adarsh awarded me with the "Honest Scrap award” and has tagged me to say 10 things about myself honestly ,which I will try at my best.





Here it goes :

· I love simplicity in every form.
· I am not at all a Food craver but I can have ice-cream at any amount at any time
· I am voracious reader. There is no specific Type; I read books which I Find connection with.
· I love listening soft music in a dim-lit room.
· Am an ardent movie lover. I love movies of genres Sci-fi, mystery , Action and Rom-com
· I can never say a truth blatantly if that hurts someone.
· I hate quarrels and high speech volume
· Am an internet savvy
· I can sleep at any point of time without much effort
· I feel miserable if I fight with my dear ones

Now passing the baton to:
· Priyanka
· Jyotsana
· Sucharita
· The Wandering Gypsy
· Sam
· Arv
· Its_me
· Riya
· Fragrant Thoughts
· Misadventures of a 20 Something

Will be waiting to hear from you all Though i wanted to scrap all , but since the limit is 10 so i will pass it to another 10 persons next time.

Love you all

Sometime all we need is an Ear

I am in the lobby, waiting emphatically for the verdict.
The presentation cost me seven day sleep deprivation accompanied by weird research papers and gallons of coffee. I am trying to comfort myself , yelling silently that my paper is perfect , I have cross checked the report ….I can not afford a single mistake………

At last she is on stage with a tiny list in her quivering hand (I don’t know how at this odd hour I could manage to see her hand clamping the microphone).
She announced at last - the Project goes to …………
“Mr. Shivranjan”

Thud!!! I felt the ground beneath shaking hard, ignoring the law of gravitational force
Noooooo!!!! I was desperate to move out….

Never before I felt the way towards home such insignificant; in fact everything appeared so insignificant….
I needed to tell someone…..May be I should call Akash
“Bailamos!!!......” Caller tune just acted add-on to my already sour mood.
Damn it!!! Busy in meeting. Huh!! Why am I bothering, after all am a grown up I know how to tackle myself.

Ma papa!!! my heart ache for them; like all other selfish children out there , who can afford only a week (maximum) to stay with them and remember when one is really sick.

“Tring-tring”
Hello Ma ?
“OHH Sheena your mom is downstairs you know we got a whole new set of furniture, there are some guests out there, and you remember Uncle S….
“Ummm Papa am in traffic let me call you in a hour”

Ohh God Help me!!!
It took me Thirty minutes to reach my place ….this traffic gets my nerves sometime
Reaching the door, a voice distracted me, my laundry lady waiting for me.
Didi you are so late? Her guardian tone inquired but all of a sudden I felt so comfortable in answering her then which otherwise would have irritated me.

And right from the strategy of paper work to the presentation, I vomited her all… I was so vulnerable regardless the point that she hardly understands my hardship. Through out the one sided conversation she only had made some nodding remarks, at the end the elderly lady put a hand on my head and told “it’s too late and you have undergone an already tough situation, eat something and try to have some sleep. Everything will be ok.”
At that very moment she was my friend, guardian, companion and my guiding angel. She soothed my soul with some indescribable affection.
I have always seen her loading and unloading clothes from the apartment. Little I knew about the person and never conversed beyond Hi and how much….

Some failures are far greater than winning I guess. Sometime we get so much in return just by mere compromising, Sometime all that matter is an assuring conversation, a supportive hand , two expressive eyes and an ear to listen another heart ….
If you have this, you have a wonderful bounty life; you perhaps know then, the meaning of “Life”